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This is what Fathers Do

Hold HandsI don’t know if it was the whole funeral thing with Goldie on Sunday. Or maybe it was visiting the GF’s dad’s grave with the old folks on Tuesday (I don’t do cemetries very well). OK I also had a very nice coffee with my first-born daughter who is growing up so nicely. Or perhaps it was just Dr Phil again. This morning he was having it on with 4 different people from previously abused backgrounds. I stopped and watched almost the entire program.

And now my throat is lumpy again.

Basically the people (3 women, 1 man) on the program all came from previously abusive relationships. I think in all cases there were step-parents involved. And they were all saying exactly the same thing: When they exited their abusive relationships they promised themselves they would never do to their children what they had gone through.

Yet, they did exactly that. Dr Phil exclaimed that they were repeating their own pasts! He said they were programmed by their backgrounds to repeat the circumstances they were used to.

After the break Dr Phil asked the question if this abusive cycle could be broken. How, he asked, can we prevent this? And while there were several good comments flying around the one that stuck with me is: This is what Fathers do: They must stand up for their children. They must set the example, they must be aware when step-moms are abusive and stop it. They are the heads of the family and they have a duty to protect the children from abuse. This is what Fathers do.

My throat was full again. I have a feeling that I may have failed my older children, that I wasn’t doing for them what a Father should have done. But, if I look at how dramatically my relationship with my children changed after the divorce, it was the right thing to do. It wasn’t too late. I’m only human, and He was graceful enough to grant me the time to heal the broken relationships.

They say love is blind. I agree. It isn’t easy to see the truth when you love somebody and they are all you have. But when you notice the first signs of abuse, act immediately. Don’t wait, don’t hope it will get better. Weeks becomes months becomes years. Divorce is a drastic step [click here], but if that is what you have to do to break the cycle of abuse, do it.

Remember this is what Fathers do.

 

3 Responses to “This is what Fathers Do”

  1. name witheld Says:

    i see what you did there

  2. name witheld Says:

    A very great article. Well done. Very motivating!! Go on that way

  3. Hayabusa Gurl Says:

    Next time you should condense your post, try to leave out the parts that people skip.
    Sent via Blackberry

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