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Talking Love

5 Love LanguagesHow do I love you? Not only must I count the ways, I must now also check my language according to my GF!

Actually, it seems like she was right. One night when I had other things on my mind she dragged this book into bed and started reading to me. It is by Gary Chapman and it describes how we (as people loving each other) interact. What we want from love – that mysteriously overdefined word. I was told what language she thinks I use (seems she was somewhat right, but don’t all boys want that anyway?) and I was told that before I can get some love I should read the book and tell her what I think her language was.

Isn’t all love the same? I thought. Seems not, and surprisingly so to me.

Afterwards when she wasn’t watching I sneaked to my laptop and did the on-line survey at 5 Languages and found that I can understand my own love language. But can she? If I want to talk to her, what does she hear?

Sneakily I answered the quiz again, but this time I answered the way I thought she would answer, and the result is amazing: Her language is very different. She loves listening to me, but she is missing hearing it in her “home language”. Again, the language made sense although, to be honest, it isn’t my own comfortable “home language”. It doesn’t “feel” right.

But OK, I decided it was worth a try for a few days. So for the next few days I made a deliberate effort (I never thought one could be deliberately subtle, or is it subtly deliberate) to drop sentences here and there in her language and watch her reaction. The result was a lot more than I bargained for. Not only did she notice, but she appreciated it and returned it with more love. I felt like I really accomplished something!

Will it last though? I suppose it depends on me. If I choose to speak her language occasionally it is entirely possible that she will in return speak my language more often, and that would only be a pleasure to oblige. Was reading the book worth while? I think so. It added one more dimension to my understanding of love and what it means.

In a previous post I said I don’t review books and movies like “normal” people but I’ve just found my match. Janna at seattlepi did a review of the book which in my opinion grasps the essence of the message. Go read her, she is very funny.

2 Responses to “Talking Love”

  1. name witheld Says:

    After lots of just random talking (edited)

  2. Nikki Says:

    I did the quiz shortly after I moved in with Nick. It has proved to be true, we all express ourselves differently, but the respect and consistant communication between and of the two languages has stood us in good stead.
    The kiddies tree/bush book (which I think you have done in a previous post) was also useful, although you do seem to already know how your kid is. But confirmation of what you think you know is always good:-)

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