Leon's Random Ramblings

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Love, or In Love

FriendshipTime is a wonderful healer and after you’ve had some time to put a difficult experience behind you, you look back at them slightly differently, right?

Except, language is so poor at describing the delicate nuances of our innermost feelings.

My home language is Afrikaans, a relatively young language, with wonderfully descriptive expressions. Because it is a young language that is still developing you can play with words and twist them into delightful new picturesque phrases that everybody understands. So, already I am at a disadvantage writing in stock-standard English. But I’ve made a bit of effort and I can help myself around. So.

When I was still at school I remember the Theoligans talking about the word “love” and that there are, for example, several different words in Greek for the single English word “love”.

So here is my conundrum. If I look back at my relationships (mostly woman, I’m sorry guys) there seems to be a phase earlier on in the relationship where you are starry-eyed and lustful and (I think) “In Love”.  So, this love is more of a feeling of excitement than anything else. Is that similar to saying I love a sport or a hobby? It gives me a feeling of excitement, not?

But over time that feeling changes and I don’t think you can use the same word 10 years later. Fast forward a couple of years and say you are divorced from that in-love person. Can you still love them but not be in-love? What is the real meaning of the English word “Love”? What about you appreciate the good times you were able to spend together in the past, but in future you no longer want that intimacy? Is this kind of love not more like a commitment? Like you make a concious awake decision that says “no matter what” I’m going to stick with it?

Seems like you can fall in love easily, and fall out of love just as easily when the mood changes. But it seems to love is very different and often associated with a promise, and has very little to do with feelings.

Oops, I’ve now reminded myself of my now-extinct marriage vows: Love for better or worse. So a marriage love is more about commitment and less about excitement? Is that why people leave marriages, because the feeling is gone and they were never serious about the long haul?

But what about “I Love My Dog”? What kind of love is that. Remember a dog cannot – technically – love a human being. They can be glad to see you and play with you, but is that love?

This morning I received a video called The Funeral, which has a surprise twist near the end. I don’t know how to link to YouTube but why don’t you search for “A Beautifully Imperfect Relationship (Meaningful Chinese Funeral)” or maybe try this direct link http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2j_YGuQ-Da4 Was this love?

Love? I’m really confused. Please help me by leaving a comment.

2 Responses to “Love, or In Love”

  1. Sandra the Great! He he Says:

    The difference between the two is this:

    Love is a choice we make.
    To be in-love is a chemical reaction. Our body releases endorfin’s which wear off over time. Which is why the warm fuzzy feeling doesn’t last forever. After the endorfin’s wear off, choice comes in!

  2. name not published Says:

    Interesting thoughts here. I appreciate you taking the time to share them with us all. It’s people like you that make my day 🙂


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