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All you need is Hate

Beatles Love AlbumMy little one was so happy to see me last night (for the weekend) and she sang all the way home in the car. My heart was full.

Errr  … what is that song? No! A Beatles number? Beatles! 30 years or more before she was born!

She knows and sings Beatles songs, and specifically “All You Need Is Love” – I am so surprised!

Lying in bed later last night I was thinking about love. What is love? Why does it make me feel so good? Why did it make me feel so bad when I got divorced?

What, then, is the opposite of love?

Tossing and turning I got up and started reading a bit on the internet. And you know how long that can take!

Many people on the web argue that the opposite of love is hate because they both seem to be emotions. They make you feel either happy or sad which are opposite feelings, so they must be opposites. They argue that the absence of love (below) doesn’t mean it is an opposite, it is merely the centre point between the two extremes. OK, fair enough.

Other people make the case that both hate and love are very intense feelings, and the opposite of intense feelings must be the absence of feelings. Apathy, no feelings, are the opposite of strong feelings. Being ignored is like being not loved. OK, I can understand their point too.

But if love and hate are more-or-less on the same side of the fence, how do they differ? They definitely feel very different to me!!

My own experience is that love gives me energy, while hate drains my energy. When I love somebody I only give a little bit of something but that person fills my entire life with light, they make me feel vibrant and important and loved and I can just babble along … you know what I mean. My whole heart – no my whole chest, my whole life – is full!

I also know how it feels to hate somebody. It makes me tired. Just leave me alone! I want to shout at them. They drain every last drop of energy I have. They consume my life like a fire, they burn to ashes all the pretty things I have. They leave me empty! (oh yes, I know all too well that it is not them, it is me … just humour me and let me vent for a while …)

But both love and hate are directed at somebody: A single person, the object of my love/hate. Both love and hate focuses my mind to either build or to destroy the other person. I remain intimately involved with the other person regardless of love or hate. And I think that is the key. Love and hate have exactly the same relationship to ME.

The only difference between love and hate is my choice to accept the other person for what they are, instead of fighting to change them.

I know so many children (some of them grown up now) who are the victims of acrimonious divorces where the parents are “hating” each other. Do you have any idea how much energy that takes?

I also know the peace that comes with love and acceptance (thank you Elna) and how that enables me to be a special parent to my little one.

And to all those divorcees struggling to cope with your X’s, I have this to say: Imagine a land of peace and harmony. It is possible. It comes automatically when you stop loving/hating your Ex and accepting them for what they are. There are millions of people out there in the world who doesn’t bother you. Stop “hating” your Ex and it will happen just like that – you will not be bothered by them. You will be able to love them for what they are and you will be rejuvenated with energy.

So I guess I side with the second group who thinks that love and hate are the same. And if your Ex still hates you, she actually still loves you very much. She just doesn’t have the guts to admit it.

Definition: “Love is a feeling you feel when you feel a feeling you have never felt before” 😉

I came across this amazing post by “panamaus” at http://everything2.com/title/All+you+need+is+hate and I was drawn deeply into what he says about the subject.

What do you think? Please leave a comment.

2 Responses to “All you need is Hate”

  1. Hentie Says:


    I am grateful you could work things out with the X. In my case she chose to not only leave me but took the kids with her – figuratively. And whilst I try to reconnect via faxes -yes I am not allowed to even talk to them on the phone, she has managed to alienate them so much that for the last 5 years I have had no contact. I still do not hate her – guess I am the guy at the point in the middle between love and hate – neutral. But hell I would like to see the kids again.

  2. Leon Says:

    Thank you. I’m grateful for the spiritual distance I was able to travel so far, and the peace in my life. But it didn’t come easy, and it still isn’t easy especially on the little one. The good news is that their eyes will open one day. I’ve seen it with my Ex. Don’t ever stop trying, for if you give up there is nobody else who will keep on trying. L


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